How to Overcome The Vicious Cycle of Self Doubt

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I am Cynthia founder of The Brave Zone. As a self-employed service professional, marketing yourself can be more difficult than selling an external product. In this video I'll share with you the solution to one of the most common challenges that I’ve seen in the self employed industry, overcoming self doubt.

These videos offer short tips and advice, but if you want customised insight please book a brave discovery call.

Self doubt comes from past conditioning usually.  Someone in your past has somehow made you believe that you’re not good enough or not worth it.  You may not immediately remember when or where it happened, or who influenced you to think that way, but usually if we dig deep enough, we’ll find that one incident, that one interaction, that made you lose confidence in yourself.  

Over time, there’s a vicious cycle that is formed.  Because you believe you’re not good enough, you focus on remembering times when you didn’t do things right.  You fill yourself with evidence that you can’t get things right.  And you may choose to discount all the times you did great things, and achieved results.  You just called those incidents CHANCE, or a stroke of luck.  And because you collect those negative memories, your self doubt is strengthened.  And that’s how this vicious cycle keeps going round and round, spiralling you downwards. 

So in my work with self employed professionals like you, we will try to connect you with the source of your self doubt and give you that moment of understanding.. awareness.. acceptance.  And then we will help you move on by removing the limiting beliefs that block you by looking for evidence that prove them wrong.  Those times that you did do things right… those times when you were successful.  Along the way, I usually find your essence, your unique genius… the way you do things that is very authentically you.  We all have them.  And at the end, you will find a new source of confidence… not based on fluffy rah rah motivation, but based on a new understanding and acceptance of yourself… and a new discovery of how your imperfections have made you perfect for what you’re trying to achieve now.  

If this is hard to grasp for you, let me sum this up with a personal story.  Moving to the states in the 80s when I was 10 years old was difficult. I had to make new friends in a new country and I didn't speak English well enough to fit in. On top of that I was an awkward chubby kid with very questionable fashion sense. It was tough to get along with other kids especially those who love to make fun. The first 5 years, I made one friend and had a lot of painful incidents trying to fit in. The experience made me a people pleaser… I went along with other people’s views just to fit in… and it was hard to feel beautiful in my own skin.  I did do well on academic achievements, but somehow I paid more attention to the things I didn’t have rather than the things I did have.  Even when I made loads of friends during high school and university days, the subconscious programming of “I was not good enough to fit in” continued.  It took a conscious effort for me to work on myself and with the help of many years of mindfulness and thanks to the coaches who have helped me through my journey, I now have figured out my purpose, my uniqueness, my confidence.  Feeling confident is still a conscious decision I make when I’m confronted with a challenge, but at least I’m no longer on a vicious cycle.  I broke free from that by working on myself, understanding where it might have come from, and finding new evidence that changed my own perceptions of myself. I work for the client the other week who was having trouble with self-confidence and I gave her the challenge to start a testimonial collection. Because she was doing awesome things with her clients, but she never asked for testimonials. And she always focused on the things she didn't do right instead of the things that she has already done well.  Then the beginning of my journey, collecting testimonials for myself what a way for me to reaffirm to myself that I was good enough. So if you see my collection of 80 to 90 testimonials on LinkedIn right now, at least half of that was not collected for marketing reasons. It was a self development exercise that I consciously put myself through to remove my own limiting beliefs.  

So I hope that example helps and as you can see, removing self doubt is a journey.  If done well, it can be a fun journey of discovering just how unique you are.  If you’re interested to find your genius and remove self doubt, book a discovery call with me.  Let’s get the conversation started. 

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